Front Gate
Monday, May 9, 2005, 05:29 PM
I watched out my front window as a guy and his dog stopped, the dog took a dump at my front gate...and then they continued on.
1 comment 1 comment ( 202 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 1499 )

Lane Frenzy
Tuesday, May 10, 2005, 10:20 AM
A lane opened next to us at the grocery store and everyone from the back of our line rushed to get in front...elbowing my pregnant wife as they rushed to cut everyone off.
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 2.9 / 4944 )

Headwind
Tuesday, May 10, 2005, 10:21 AM
I rode my bike to work today against a 25mph headwind. I rode home against a 30mph headwind.
4 comments 4 comments ( 196 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 5714 )

A little ditty
Friday, May 13, 2005, 07:08 AM
Sometimes I write songs and poems and stuff, but this is a song that someone else wrote...and I listen to it every now and then and it makes sense right now.

I used to have home with a room and a bed
a porch and a driveway with a big garage
but i traded it in, I kept some faith and laid my head down every night
and it seems so far away, it seems so far away

remember me now cause things always change
5 long years has gone
i've done some time sleeping where i fall
i know i'll never be the same

I learned somethings about the places i saw
i learned somethings about myself
i guess it came the hard way, now i know what counts
i've got one prayer it's in your confidence
i know all the places, i don't want to be
everyone's gone there's no one just me

remember me now cause things always change
5 long years has gone
i've done some time sleeping where i fall
i know i'll never be the same

remember me next time i go away
for the first time in my life i wanna stay
i can count one hand here today
the only thing that matters to me anyway
and it seems so far away, it seems so far away

remember me now cause things always change
5 long years has gone
i've done some time sleeping where i fall
i know i'll never be the same

-Bouncing Souls

add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 4935 )

First 500 meters
Friday, May 13, 2005, 07:10 AM
I bought a used car. I drove out of the dealer and onto the highway...I saw a flash of light right when I got on the highway. Three weeks later I got a 47 ticket in the mail for going 95 in an 80kmh zone.
1 comment 1 comment ( 176 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 5027 )

Just visiting
Friday, May 13, 2005, 07:13 AM
I have been here for 9 months and my residence permit is still "in processing".
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 1372 )

Advanced Healthcare
Friday, May 13, 2005, 07:16 AM
My wife is 7 months pregnant with twins...she went for her doctor's appointment at the hospital. She got her blood pressure checked, the doctor looked at her and said "everything looks good, see you in 3 weeks."
1 comment 1 comment ( 190 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 4449 )

Driving me crazy
Sunday, May 15, 2005, 10:15 AM
It costs $6.25 for a gallon of gas...good thing I don't have far to go.
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 2815 )

Nothing to live for
Sunday, May 15, 2005, 10:19 AM
Everyone owns a bike, nobody owns a helmet.
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 2702 )

On the otherside
Sunday, May 15, 2005, 10:22 AM
I wonder what my friends are doing, everyday.
1529 comments 1529 comments ( 5269 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 2699 )

Mail Slot
Monday, May 16, 2005, 07:52 PM
I get Junk Mail hand delivered to my door, three times a day.
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 4050 )

Hold the mayo
Monday, May 16, 2005, 07:54 PM
No matter how much I beg, mayonaisse comes on everything.
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3018 )

Expensive Relief
Monday, May 16, 2005, 07:56 PM
I spent 900 at a furniture store...and still had to pay 0.50 cents to use their restroom.
1 comment 1 comment ( 182 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3693 )

Balmy Spring
Wednesday, May 18, 2005, 06:26 AM
It is May 18th and it reached 8 Degrees Celcius as the high today. I don't know what that is in Farenheit...but I know it is damn cold.
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 4067 )

Got Toner?
Thursday, May 19, 2005, 01:40 PM
I bought a Fax machine that stated "Ink included", I started the machine and it printed out the instruction list and ran completely out of ink...
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 2743 )

Dutch Lock
Thursday, May 19, 2005, 01:42 PM
Definition: doors are so old and messed up here...that you don't even need to lock them, they are so proprietary that only the owner knows how to get them open.
1 comment 1 comment ( 82 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3949 )

Gratis?...
Friday, May 20, 2005, 01:02 PM
before buying anything...don't forget to ask if it is free.
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3875 )

Anything "Ham" flavored
Friday, May 20, 2005, 03:27 PM
things here that have the "Ham" taste (chips, potatoes, etc.) REALLY have the Ham taste...I cannot even explain it with words.
9 comments 9 comments ( 100 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3714 )

No Sale
Monday, May 23, 2005, 08:52 AM
you have to pay cash everywhere, but no one has change over a €10.
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 2481 )

Wheelchair for rent
Tuesday, May 24, 2005, 03:31 PM
if you need to go to the hospital, bring €0.50 for your wheelchair. Nothing is free.
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3856 )

Sweet taste of home
Wednesday, May 25, 2005, 01:35 PM
in larger stores, there is always an "American" section...we bought a few things today that you just don't find anywhere else but in the American section...

for those of you that are not familiar with Alpine Mist and other various Mountain Dew rip-offs..."Mountain Stars" was just about the best ripoff I have had, big props to the Stars and Stripes brand of cola.
8 comments 8 comments ( 17 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3767 )

Burning Eyes
Friday, May 27, 2005, 04:56 PM
saw an 18 year old girl on the beach without her top...too bad her mom and grandma didn't have theirs on either.
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 2129 )

WATSKEBURT!
Sunday, May 29, 2005, 11:50 AM
I am learning all my Dutch from local rap artists. Die Leipe Mocro Flavour!
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3794 )

Why?...Just explain to me why?
Friday, June 3, 2005, 06:46 AM
Whether you call it "the plateau", "the shelf", "the platter", or "the display case" - one has to experience it for themselves to truly understand the engineering disaster that is a Dutch toilet.
2 comments 2 comments ( 94 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 2566 )

mmmmmmmm...stroopwafels...
Saturday, June 11, 2005, 07:40 AM
I truly love stroopwafels...absolutely and truly...I love them...

a couple other dutchedup food that I really love...
Uitsmijters (Dutch Omellette)
Bittergarnituur (Kroketen and Whitebread...with mustard)

...these are things that make me fat and happy.
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3713 )

Must See TV...
Saturday, June 11, 2005, 07:43 AM
The worst, craziest, lamest shows that hardly air on American TV...are some how sold to the unsuspecting Dutch broadcast companies.

...there are episodes everyday of that show from the early 90's...that was a rip-off of "Roseanne", but it was with talking Dinosaurs. For reals...I am not joking...
...and some show with "Shit-break" from American Pie and that "Kumar" dude...
add comment add comment ( 26 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 1619 )

heat wave
Saturday, June 25, 2005, 02:24 PM
there is no air conditioning anywhere...I sweated through my suit on a KLM flight...
959 comments 959 comments ( 3717 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3723 )

cityhopper
Saturday, June 25, 2005, 02:28 PM
it is a 40 minute flight from London to Amsterdam...but when you land at Schiphol, you taxi for 25 minutes.
4 comments 4 comments ( 77 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3694 )

TV "commercials"
Saturday, July 2, 2005, 09:18 AM
I don't know what is more Dutch...rubbing mayonaise into a sunbathing girl or having a baby in a hotel room and everyone is stoked.
1 comment 1 comment ( 81 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3601 )

diversity
Saturday, July 2, 2005, 09:18 AM
Channel 7 on the TV in my wife's hospital room was Al Jazeera
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 414 )

walkabout
Thursday, July 7, 2005, 05:15 AM
every now and then I want/need something (eg. headphone splitter so that two people can listen to one device) and I always figure "I'll go grab one of those". I am now to the point where I am completely beaten...because I have never actually successfully "grabbed one of anything"...these end up being fruitless journeys that exhaust me on so many levels.
379 comments 379 comments ( 839 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 2550 )

i'm lovin it
Thursday, July 7, 2005, 05:17 AM
I have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy when it comes to what is in a McKroket.
1 comment 1 comment ( 87 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 2228 )

independence dag
Thursday, July 7, 2005, 05:20 AM
I missed fireworks and BBQ's this weekend.
11 comments 11 comments ( 107 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3600 )

ALERT! - something that they have gotten completely right - ALERT!
Saturday, July 16, 2005, 04:18 PM
Kraamzorg. It is the single best Dutch thing.
3 comments 3 comments ( 87 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3805 )

Bugspray
Saturday, July 16, 2005, 04:21 PM
my wife got 3 misquito bites while in the hospital
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 2424 )

add a couple more to the crowd
Saturday, July 23, 2005, 11:54 AM
my twins were born...so add two more dutch folks to this place.
Monday I need to go to the Consulate General and make them American.
1 comment 1 comment ( 96 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3719 )

I live in a beach town...
Monday, July 25, 2005, 07:49 AM
I never thought I would live anywhere with worse weather than Seattle.

1 comment 1 comment ( 108 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3679 )

"Cause I'm proud to be an American" - (crappiest song ever)
Friday, July 29, 2005, 10:48 AM
I have been in The Netherlands for a year now...and I still don't have my Residence Permit. I took my kids down to the US Consulate and within an hour they had Social Security Numbers, Passports, and were Registered American Citizens.
10 comments 10 comments ( 125 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 2302 )

dancing machine
Thursday, August 4, 2005, 02:29 PM
if it is not 192bpm...then it is not Dutch "music".
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 2139 )

summer, summer, summertiiiiiiime
Thursday, August 4, 2005, 02:30 PM
more dudes wear capri pants here than chicks.
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 2629 )

Bicycle built for one...
Thursday, August 18, 2005, 07:27 PM
Follow me on this one...
2 dudes, one bike
Dude A - side saddle across bar - steering
Dude B - seated - peddling - holding onto Dude A
Ladies?...you like this?
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3492 )

Voetbal
Thursday, August 18, 2005, 07:29 PM
My wife says "if you are gonna play a competitive sport, someone should always win"
also says "name a sport in the US that you can have a tie...that people like"
1 comment 1 comment ( 97 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 2.9 / 3001 )

WTF?
Saturday, September 10, 2005, 04:08 PM
Dutch lady...7 foot 4 inches...


2 comments 2 comments ( 109 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3153 )

Surf's up!?!
Saturday, September 10, 2005, 04:09 PM
The waves at my beach had to be 1 foot...maybe...and their were a dozen dudes out there "surfing".
1 comment 1 comment ( 97 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3270 )

The record books
Saturday, September 10, 2005, 04:10 PM
This August was the rainiest that the Dutch have had in 100 years.
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 2883 )

Doing time
Saturday, September 10, 2005, 04:12 PM
been here for 1 year...still no Residence Permit.
7 comments 7 comments ( 110 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3066 )

"The Transaction"
Saturday, September 24, 2005, 12:24 PM
An America Expatriot goes into the nearest big city to go to a computer store to buy a mouse. It's raining out, of course, and he has to walk about a km to get from parking to the store. He has no cash on hand, because his PIN card has gone "corrupt" 4 times in the last month...so he is waiting for a PIN card that will come in "a couple of weeks maybe".

The Expatriot enters the store, finds exactly what he is looking for, chooses the mouse and heads for the till.

At the till -

Expatriot: You take credit card don't you
Store Employee #1: Yes we do
Expatriot: Okay, cool, this will be all for me
Store Employee #1: Go ahead and swipe your Visa

The Expatriot swipes his Visa through the machine and looks back up at store employee #1.

Store Employee #1: Acutally, I need to see some ID
Expatriot: Okay, here is my drivers license from the US...it has my picture on it.
Store Employee #1: Okay...mmmm...well...I need to ask the manager about this.
Expatriot: Okay

Store Employee #1 speaks quietly to his manager, who comes over to the till with the ID.

Store Manager: We cannot accept this, don't you have your passport?
Expatriot: To buy a mouse? No...I didn't bring my passport to buy a mouse
Store Manager: Well...this is not an ID that we can track...your passport has a stamp and code...blah...blah...blah...and it can go back to the bank...and we cannot be sure that the card is not fake and that you aren't going to rip us off. There is no way that we can accept this...you understand that we would be out all the money if we couldn't verify this.
Expatriot: Fine, forget it...can I have my ID back.
Store Manager: Sure

Meanwhile, Store Employee #1 starts opening the till, fussing with bills.

Store Employee #1: Hold on
Expatriot: Okay, what is this
Store Employee #1: Well, you already swiped your card and got charged, so I have to refund your money.

Store Employee #1 proceeds to take money out of the till and then hands it to the Expatriot - the exact money that was charged on the card.

Expatriot looks at the cash for a second...looks at the Store Employee #1 and at the Store Manager.

Expatriot: Well...I would like to buy this mouse, I don't need a passport for cash do I?

The Expatriot hands the Store Employee #1 the money that he had just handed him...the Store Employee #1 looks at the Store Manager and they both don't understand what just happened...that would allow the Expatriot to purchase the mouse...but he is holding cash...and can now buy the mouse without ID.

Store Employee #1: No...you don't need a passport. Here is your receipt.

Store Employee #1 and Store Manager still do not understand what has just happened as they look at each other with a completely baffled look.
The Expatriot walks out of the store with the mouse that he was not allowed to buy with a credit card...but was allowed to by with the cash, that the credit card would have represented...that the Store Employee #1 handed him.

This makes the Expatriot's day...and he walks back through the rain with a big smile on his face...and can't wait to post this.
15 comments 15 comments ( 186 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3206 )

cottonheads are all the same
Wednesday, October 26, 2005, 09:06 AM
whether they are in a car or on a bike.
2 comments 2 comments ( 73 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 2879 )

"the country of"
Sunday, October 30, 2005, 12:11 PM
quotes/boasts from "het land van" - a popular "rap" video on Dutch music television right now. I think it is some kind of national anthem...cause the video has young and old all gathered together to listen to it, by candle/cigarette lighter - light.

"Ik kom uit het land waar je door heen rijdt in 3 uurtjes"
- I come from the land that you can drive through in 3 hours

"En XTC export nummer 1 is"
- We are the #1 exporter of extacy

"Het land waar prostitutie en blowen mag - Het land van sinterklaas en koninginnedag"
- From the land with prositution and you can smoke dope, the land with Sinterklaas and Queen's Day

"Het land waar apartheid, internationaal, het meest bekende woord is uit de Nederlandse taal"
- The country where apartheid is, internationally the most well-known word from the Dutch language.

"Waar ik me guldens aan de euro verloren ben"
- On this one...I think the dude is bummed that they have the Euro and not the Guilder now.


60 comments 60 comments ( 128 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3.1 / 12 )

**update - "the country of"
Sunday, October 30, 2005, 12:13 PM
I think I made a mis-translation...

"Ik kom uit het land waar je door heen rijdt in 3 uurtjes"
- I think this means they all walk around with only 3 inches? I don't know...someone help me out on this one.


10 comments 10 comments ( 132 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3226 )

saturday shopping
Saturday, November 5, 2005, 11:08 AM
the only people in The Netherlands, that have "common courtesy" - are people that are not from The Netherlands.
1 comment 1 comment ( 83 views )   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3185 )

"we have that"
Thursday, November 10, 2005, 01:18 PM
whatever it is you say about somewhere else, someone will tell you that it exists in this country too.

...even if you say something about mountains...for reals...
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3037 )

the most wonderful time of the year
Friday, November 11, 2005, 01:16 PM
It's that time of year again...the Dutch get out their paint and dawn the most racist outfits I have ever seen.

Say Hooray for Zwarte Piet! (Black Piet)


add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3218 )

Pelt you while you're down.
Saturday, December 17, 2005, 10:31 AM
I complain and rant a lot - but if you know me, it is very superficial.
- I have an issue with something...I rant...I complain...I make a few jokes.
- I move somewhere...I rant...I complain...I build a website.

But I usually try to keep things positive.

Today, I had to go to the store in town to buy 19 boxes of baby formula. It was sunny, so I decided to walk. On the way there I was really letting things get to me. I was lamenting the fact that I lived here. I let the feeling take me over. Saying under my breath as I walked "#$%& that tall guy", "#$%& my new neighbors", "#$%& this place"...

...right then...it started to hail...sideways.

I stopped...I stood in the middle of our shopping street while everyone ran...and I fucking took it.
add comment add comment   |  permalink   |   ( 3 / 3135 )